A Beginner’s Guide to Pegging

Thanks to shows and movies like “Broad City,” “Weeds,” and “Deadpool,” pegging has gradually entered mainstream sexual vocabulary. Still, you probably have questions about what it actually involves.

We believe pleasure is an essential part of a safe, healthy sex life. That’s why we rely on seasoned writers, educators, and other pros to offer guidance on everything from technique to toy choice. We only recommend products we genuinely like, so if you find a store link to a specific item or brand, know it’s been carefully vetted — if you catch our drift. Wink.

What is pegging?

When Dan Savage first coined the term in 2001, it referred to a cisgender woman wearing a strap-on to anally penetrate her cisgender male partner.

But, as Lisa Finn, a sex educator at the toy shop Babeland, points out, the definition has broadened over time.

“What characterizes pegging is the use of a strap-on for anal penetration — not the genders or assigned sexes of the people involved,” Finn says.

Why do people enjoy pegging so much?

Short answer: Because it can be physically, emotionally, and mentally hot. Why wouldn’t you want to explore that?

Physical pleasure for the person being penetrated

“Many folks with penises have a prostate gland dense with nerves that can be stimulated via anal penetration,” Finn explains. That stimulation can lead to a prostate orgasm, often described as a more whole-body climax than other types.

Even if someone doesn’t have a prostate, anal penetration can still feel pleasurable — the anal canal and rim contain roughly as many nerve endings as the tip of a penis (about 4,000).

And great sensations for the person giving

Really! The base of the dildo can press against the pubic mound or clitoris in an intensely enjoyable way.

The back-and-forth grinding can resemble dry humping, a motion that’s how many people first experienced orgasm, Finn adds.

It subverts traditional roles

In many heterosexual dynamics, one partner typically penetrates while the other is penetrated.

“Pegging flips those customary positions, which can be psychologically and emotionally liberating for everyone involved,” Finn says.

It pairs well with BDSM

Pegging plus a blindfold? Or pegging plus restraints? Hello, power exchange.

A Dominant might peg a submissive as a way to assert control, says Lola Jean, a sex educator and creator of the “Quick ‘N’ Dirty: An Introduction to Butt Stuff” videos.

That said, the person being pegged doesn’t automatically have to be submissive.

“You can absolutely be dominant while receiving anal penetration,” Finn notes. It’s about the energy you bring. Riding-on-top is one way to maintain control while being pegged.

How do you bring it up?

No, you shouldn’t surprise your partner by showing up with a strap-on or whip out a dildo mid-action. Bring it up beforehand.

When you and your S.O. are in a neutral setting (i.e., not the bedroom), Jean suggests this approach: introduce the idea, explain what intrigues you about it, and then ask an open question.

You could say:

• “I read something about pegging recently and think it could be hot to try together. I can send you the article and we can talk about it. How do you feel about that?”
• “I’m curious about exploring pegging. Have you ever been curious about prostate play?”
• “I love when you finger my ass during sex, so I’m thinking I might like something larger. Would you be open to discussing strap-on anal play?”
• “I found an educational pegging series and got curious… Want to watch it together?”

They might be intrigued but too nervous to suggest it themselves.

What gear do you need?

The basics are a harness, a dildo, and plenty of lube.

Harness and dildo

You can buy a harness and dildo separately or get a combined strap-on set that includes both.

For beginners, Finn suggests opting for a strap-on kit like the Tantus Bend Over or the Pegasus Curved Realistic Harness Set — one word: convenience.

Buying harness and dildo separately lets you tailor the combo to both partners’ preferences.

“The person wearing the harness can pick one they like, and the receiver can choose a dildo they’re excited about,” Finn says.

Harnesses come in underwear-style (looks like briefs) and strap-style (similar to a jockstrap). Underwear styles are comfy; strap styles are more adjustable and can give the wearer more control.

Underwear-style harness options:

• TomBoii Boxer Brief Harness
• Rodeoh Black & Purple Ruched Back Panty Harness
• Silhouette Harness

Strap-on-style suggestions:

• Roadster Harness
• SquareParts Joque Harness

About the dildo? Start tiny — way smaller than you think you need, especially if the receiver hasn’t had more than a finger before. Slow and steady tends to win the anal O.

Also choose medical-grade silicone so it’s easy to sterilize.

Finn’s picks:

• Riley Vibrating Silicone Dildo — curved, bulbous head for prostate stimulation
• Charm Silicone Dildo — very slim
• Shilo — for those preferring a lifelike shape

Lube

If you retain one takeaway from this piece, make it this:

“Lube is literally the difference between anal penetration feeling scratchy and it being a pleasurable, orgasmic experience,” Finn says.

Silicone-based lubes are not compatible with silicone toys (which many dildos are). Pick a gel-like water-based lube instead, such as:

• Sliquid Sassy
• pJur
• Cake Tush Cush

Optional extras

Depending on the sensations you both like, consider additional toys like:

• a vibrating cock ring (e.g., Lelo Tor 2  or We-Vibe Pivot)
• a bullet vibrator (e.g., Dame Zee or CalExotics Naughty Bits Just the Tip)
• a wearable vaginal vibrator (e.g., We-Vibe Jive or We-Vibe Chorus)

Where do you start once you have the gear?

So you’ve had the conversation and bought your supplies. What next?

Talk through the specifics

You might be picturing a candlelit, kissing-heavy encounter while your partner imagines a kinkier scene. That’s why Finn advises clarifying:

• What vibe are you going for?
• Which position do you want to try?
• Will you use a safeword?

Build arousal first

All sex tends to be better when both people are turned on. Don’t leap straight to anal — start with kissing, touching, and oral.

Progress to anal massage and fingering

“Most anuses benefit from gradual preparation,” Finn says. Begin by massaging the external ring of muscles around the anus.

When the receiver signals they’re ready, use a well-lubricated finger to enter. Try these techniques:

• Make circular motions inside the anus
• Slow, shallow thrusts in and out
• A “come hither” motion toward the prostate (about 2 inches in on the front wall)

Pegging: step-by-step

Coat the receiver’s anus and the dildo’s shaft generously with lube. Better yet, have the receiver use a lube applicator to slick the inner walls, too.

Get into position. Finn likes lifted missionary (so you can see faces and read cues) or doggy style (which opens the anal canal).

“Have the giver press the dildo’s tip to the entrance,” Finn says. “As the receiver exhales, they can lift their hips to slowly take the dildo at whatever pace feels right.”

Keep this rhythm until the receiver is comfortable with the toy. From there, they can move, rotate, or stay still — it’s their call.

Aftercare

Aftercare after pegging is essential. Sex can be vulnerable in general, and pegging can be particularly intense because it involves something entering the body, which might stir strong emotions, explains sex writer and educator Zachary Zane, founder of BoySlut and an educator with Promescent.

Pegging also reverses the usual penetrative dynamics for many people, which can trigger unexpected feelings.

“Many men, especially cis straight men, haven’t had anything enter their anus before, so this new sensation can provoke surprising emotions,” he says.

It can also be emotional for the person doing the strapping — for some women and trans men, pegging is a way to try being more sexually dominant for the first time. Others use it to affirm nonbinary or trans identities, which is vulnerable in its own right, Zane notes.

For all these reasons, check in after you’re done. The penetrator should ask how the receiver is feeling and offer support — cuddles, water, or verbal reassurance can help.

If the receiver’s anus is sore, there are physical aftercare measures. “Hopefully you used lots of lube and stayed within limits, but if things are tender, I’d suggest something like Calmol 4 to soothe fissures,” Zane says.

Aftercare can also look like a debrief Q&A. Try asking:

• “Any immediate thoughts?”
• “How did that feel for you?”
• “What did you like? What would you skip next time?”
• “Anything I could change next time to make it better?”
• “Would you prefer it harder or slower next time?”

Precautions to take

Anal sex is largely safe, but take steps to reduce the chance of poop, pain, and infection.

Poop is an unlikely worry — and you can lower the odds

“Poop is the top reason people shy away from pegging,” Jean says.

However, pegging rarely results in feces because poop isn’t stored in the anal canal; it’s stored in the colon. For poop to move from the colon to the rectum and out, you have to voluntarily contract the muscles that expel it.

So the fear of “pooping on a strap” is mostly unfounded.

That said, some residue is possible if wiping was inadequate.

Finn suggests showering a few hours before play. Some people use a gentle water enema for extra peace of mind, but it’s optional.

Pregnancy isn’t a concern, but STIs are

If either partner has an STI or their status is unknown, transmission is possible. This includes fluidborne infections like gonorrhea and chlamydia and skin-to-skin infections like HPV and herpes.

To reduce STI risk during pegging:

• Use a condom on the dildo.
• Avoid oil-based lube with latex condoms.
• Change condoms if you switch who’s being penetrated.
• Choose nonporous dildos (medical-grade silicone).
• Clean the harness after each use.

Prevent pain by taking it slow

The anal canal is delicate and prone to microtears if handled roughly. Stick to the golden rule of anal: slick, slow, and communicative.

Use plenty of lube, go in slowly, and keep talking to your partner.

If the receiver develops bleeding, persistent pain, sores, lumps, bumps, or unusual discharge in the days after, they should see a healthcare provider.

What if your partner wants to peg you?

It comes down to whether you want to be pegged.

If you’re into it, great. If not, you should never feel pressured into sexual acts you don’t want to try.

Ask your partner why they’re interested. Maybe they enjoy the idea of wearing a strap-on; alternatives include a dildo blowjob, a hand job with a dildo, or watching them masturbate with a toy while you touch yourself.

If their motivation is wanting to be more dominant, Jean suggests grinding against or humping your butt without a dildo can provide a similar feeling.

Other options: handcuffs or a blindfold.

Your bottom, your rules

Pegging can be intensely pleasurable for both giver and receiver, but it’s not for everyone. If you don’t want to wear a strap or be penetrated, that’s totally fine — plenty of other ways exist to give and receive pleasure.