Why Do We Cry When We’re Angry?

Feeling flooded by anger or other strong emotions can trigger tears. That’s a normal reaction, but if it’s disrupting your daily life, there are techniques that can help reduce it.

You can’t believe what you’re hearing. It’s unjust; it’s false. You begin to respond, your face heats up, your throat tightens… and suddenly tears sting your eyes.

Why does this happen so often? Why do you bawl when the dominant feeling inside is rage?

Below is what we understand about why angry tears occur in humans, and practical steps to help stop them when the timing is inconvenient.

Why do we cry when we’re angry?

The most immediate cause of angry tears is often feeling hurt, ashamed, betrayed, or wronged. People commonly experience anger and sadness at once when confronted with injustice, rejection, or humiliation.

Crying is a uniquely human behavior, and experts think it may have evolved as a distress signal — a way to solicit aid and encourage supportive actions from others.

Crying triggers oxytocin and prolactin

Studies show that shedding tears prompts the release of oxytocin and prolactin, two substances that can lower heart rate and soothe you after a stressful episode.

But crying isn’t always comforting to the cryer.

If your tears bring consolation and support, you’ll probably feel better afterward. Conversely, if your crying leads to embarrassment or shame, it’s unlikely to improve your mood.

Kids and women tend to cry more than adult men

Children cry more often than adults, and females typically cry more than males. A 2019 review found that many women cry four or five times monthly, while men might cry once or not at all in the same timeframe.

Although major life events prompt crying, many tears arise from everyday frustrations and disputes as well.

If women show more angry tears than men, it might reflect socialization in the United States and other Western countries, where women have often been encouraged to display more positive emotions and to suppress feelings labeled as negative, like anger.

What else happens physically when you’re angry?

Even without crying, anger produces several bodily changes:

• Your amygdala, hypothalamus, and pituitary gland coordinate to release a surge of cortisol and adrenaline (stress hormones).
• Your heart rate and blood pressure increase.
• You may feel hot or flushed.
• Your mouth can become dry and your palms sweaty.
• Your peripheral vision may narrow.
• Cortisol can impair short-term memory (which is why you might forget what you intended to say during a heated exchange).

Given this surge of nervous-system and hormonal activity, it’s not surprising that your body sometimes produces tears.

Can you manage tears when you’re angry?

Although showing genuine emotion when provoked is natural, crying isn’t always suitable during conflict. Below are strategies to help prevent or handle tears when it’s not the right moment to cry.

Start a journaling habit

Writing helps people not only express emotions but also identify what they’re feeling. For many, private writing about emotionally intense events is a method to process complicated feelings and regain perspective.

Regular journaling gives you a personal outlet to vent, reflect, and clarify what you want or need.

Some doctors have recommended writing to help people gain a sense of direction and insight into their emotions.

By building this practice, you’ll have a reliable private place to go when conflict arises.

Work on saying what you need

In certain cultures and for some people, plainly stating concerns or needs can be hard, particularly at work.

Small-group assertiveness training can teach you how to say yes, say no, set boundaries, and communicate during tense encounters.

Some research referenced in a 2012 review suggests assertiveness training can lower stress and boost feelings of personal agency.

Learn strategies for emotion regulation and speaking up

Here are books that may help with boundary-setting, negotiation, and managing conflict:

• Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler
• Living Nonviolent Communication: Practical Tools to Connect and Communicate Skillfully in Every Situation by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD
• No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy

You can borrow these titles from most public libraries or follow the links above to buy them online.

Move, but do it slowly

If emotions rise, altering your posture can ground you and shift your mindset.

Stand up. Sit down. Grab a pen and jot a note or walk down the corridor to collect yourself. Even simple actions like tensing and relaxing a muscle — research from 2011 showed this can restore a sense of self-control.

As you move, remember to do so deliberately. You’re reminding yourself that if you can control your limbs, you can also influence your emotional state.

You’re also creating space to slow the interaction so you can choose more than the impulse to fight, flee, or freeze.

Have some water

Mild dehydration can impact mood and thinking. If you’re in an emotional moment, pause and drink a glass of cool water. 2011 research found that it can:

• lower cortisol (the stress hormone)
• reduce heart rate
• boost alertness

Focus on your breathing

In stressful moments, attending to your breath can help calm intense feelings and bring you back to center.

Clinicians say concentrating on inhalation and exhalation can help you:

• regain alertness
• decrease body temperature
• release muscular tension
• balance your autonomic nervous system

Is it right to try to stop your tears?

There are moments when crying is dangerous or unhelpful (driving on a winding cliff road, for instance). Yet crying also supports emotional well-being.

Finding safe, fitting places to express your feelings — and your tears — can be beneficial. You’re the best judge of when it’s appropriate to cry, but many people find relief by letting go in places like:

• alone on a walk
• in therapy
• while privately journaling
• with close family or supportive friends
• with a pet
• in the shower or bath
• where you go to meditate, pray, or be alone in nature

When to get professional help

Crying in anger doesn’t mean you’re weak, unstable, or mentally ill. It’s a natural human response to emotional triggers.

But if you cry more than you want, or if angry tears are impairing your daily functioning, consider speaking with a therapist.

Frequent crying can be a sign of depression or anxiety, and there are effective treatments that can help restore emotional equilibrium.

Key points to remember

Many people cry when they’re frustrated, mad, or embarrassed. Anger triggers a hormonal cascade that causes intense bodily responses — from a pounding heart to sweaty hands to lapses in short-term memory.

In reaction to this heightened stress, tears may form. That reaction can signal vulnerability to others and may lead to the release of calming hormones that help soothe you.

If you’d like to reduce angry tears — at least in situations where they won’t serve you well — consider journaling, assertiveness training, or mindful breathing.

In the heat of the moment, you can also try changing your posture, sipping water, or tensing and releasing muscles to regain a sense of control.

Crying when you’re angry isn’t inherently wrong. But if it’s disrupting your work or relationships, or if you suspect depression, a therapist can help you find balance.